Too Much Inuyasha
by Zephio
Summary: “Blah blah blah my tetsaiga” says Inuyasha. “I’ll talk to myself” says Kikyo. “Inuyasha…” Says Kagome. A hilarious, stereotypical, and overtheedge story leaving you thinking “wtf?”
1. Evilbees?

Inuyasha's in a field fighting one of the BILLION enemies that he's already faced. But oh my goodness this time he's stronger. The bad guy hits Inuyasha and Inuyasha falls down.

"Inuyasha…….", Says Kagome  
"Wuhahaha I'm so strong", says the bad guy  
"Damn I have to protect Kagome even though she's in no threat of danger", says Inuyasha  
"Inuyasha……."

Inuyasha gets up and yes as you thought uses Wind Scar or some other move and kills the bad guy. Kagome walks over the dead carcass and picks up yet another Jewel Shard. Suddenly the worst thing imaginable comes from the sky…….BEES!

"OH no! Naraku's evil bees!", exclaims Sango, slapping her hands to her face so she looks like someone just beat her…I mean "she fell down the stairs".  
"They're just bees…..?" says Kagome  
"But she's hot when she thinks she's right", says Miroku  
"True…I mean WHAT?" says Kagome

The bees become a swarm and transform into NARAKU! Bum Bum BUUUMMM!

"Wuahhahaha! I'm Naraku and I want to kill you Inuyasha", shouts Naraku  
"Inuyasha…..", says Kagome  
"Yeah….but…but you suck Naraku", says Inuyasha  
"No…..no I don't", says Naraku  
"Yeah………yeah you do", says Inuyasha  
"No I don't"  
"Yeah you do"  
"Poo face"  
"Shit head"  
"Bully"  
"Bully? You're an IDIOT Naraku"  
"Well…I'm gonna go! But first!"

Naraku runs and grabs Kagome.

"WUHAHA I've captured your precious Kagome. What now?" shouts Naraku  
"You bastard!" barks Inuyasha  
"This is retarded…" says Miroku  
"And about the millionth time this has happened", says Sango  
"Yeah…you're getting lame", says Kagome  
"Yeah….well. well…….well screw you!" shouts Naraku

And with that Naraku and Kagome disappear.

"That was so hot! The way he disappeared like that", says Inuyasha  
"Crap. I guess we have to get her back…….again", says Miroku  
"Yeah…I mean I'm getting sick-", Sango is interrupted by Miroku  
"Wait did you just say Naraku was hot?" questions Miroku  
"DENIAL!" shouts Inuyasha

And the gang runs off to rescue Kagome, again.

**Preview to chapter 2:** It's wild, it's wooly, it's a love triangle with Kagome and Koga and…..Sesshomaru?

"Ummm. Aren't you after that 4 year old?" asks Koga.  
"No, but she has a nice ass!" says Sesshomaru


	2. Who wants a Back Massage?

And the gang runs off to rescue Kagome, again.After running for about 15 minutes, Miroku, Sango, and Inuyasha stop because they hear a voice in the nearby woods.

"So the dead share the same fate do they?" says the voice  
"Oh, fuck that! It's Kikyo. I'm going!" shouts Inuyasha

Inuyasha runs off toward wherever Naraku is now, leaving Miroku and Sango alone. Well not so alone, because Kikyo comes out of the woods and walks toward Sango

"Kikyo, what brings you here" asks Sango

Kikyo doesn't pay attention

"Blah blah blah I'm talking to myself" she says  
"What are you doing here?" asks Sango again  
"Mmmmmblah Shikon Jewel. Mmmblah" says Kikyo  
"What the fuck?" shouts Miroku

Kikyo walks away

"Jibwayayayaya ZOOOOOM Shikon Jewel yayayacoooomdidEEEE"

Miroku and Sango stand confused.

"Well that ruined the mood for sex" says Miroku  
"Yes…..yes it did"

Meanwhile at wherever Naraku is, Kagome is being dragged off into a big room.

"This is so lame you dip-shit" shouts Kagome  
"Shut up!" yells Naraku

Kagora walks in the room

"Hi again" says Kagome  
"Well well, what is this? The millionth time you've been here? Naraku you're getting lame!" says Kagora  
"Shut up!" shouts Naraku  
"Well it's true" says Kagome  
Naraku imitates Kagome-" well it's true. SHUT UP!"

Suddenly out of no where (and I mean no where) Koga flies in!

"Ha HA! Koga is here! I'll save you my love." Announces Koga  
"Really?" asks Naraku  
"No…I meant Kagome" says Koga  
"Oh…RIGHT!" says Naraku  
"Yeah that was only that one time and we were really drunk" says Koga  
"And we woke up naked with the dead unicorn and the dwarf!" says Naraku  
"hahahaha good times…..good times.." says Koga  
"Um…hello? Koga?" yells Kagome  
"Oh right! I'll save you Kagome!" says Koga

Koga runs to Kagome, grabs her, and runs out of wherever Naraku was!

"Shit. She got away" says Naraku  
"Wow that isn't obvious. Or the MILLIONTH TIME SHE'S DONE THAT!" yells Kagora as she takes out her fan and beats herself with it until she falls to the ground dead

Meanwhile Koga stops running and puts down Kagome. He takes off his shirt.

"What are you doing?" asks Kagome  
"Me and you are gonna have sex. And then take a bath. And then have sex again. And another bath. And just repeat that…..yeah" says Koga  
"Ummm….Inuyasha…."  
"No he can't join us"

Koga takes out a bottle of lotion

"Who wants a massage before some steamy hot sex?" says Koga as he squirts some into his hand

Sesshomaru jumps out from behind a bush

"I vant von!" says Sesshomaru"Ummm. Aren't you after that 4 year old?" asks Koga  
"No, but she has a nice ass!" says Sesshomaru  
"HAHAHAHA Well I have a nice ass too. Well then join on in. Me and Kagome were gonna have steamy hot sex"  
"Ooooooh I like!" says Sesshomaru  
"Inuyasha…" says Kagome

Koga and Sesshomaru both turn and stare at her.

"FUCK INUYASHA!" they both yell

A pause

"………and me!" suggests Sesshomaru  
"And me!" says Koga  
"And me!" says Sesshomaru  
"And me!"  
"And me!"

**Preview to chapter 3:** The weirdness continues…and gets sort of freaky. And why is it that everyone seems to have had sex with Naraku?


	3. Inuyasha and Naraku?

**Previously:**  
"Inuyasha…" says Kagome

Koga and Sesshomaru both turn and stare at her.

"FUCK INUYASHA!" they both yell

A pause

"………and me!" suggests Sesshomaru  
"And me!" says Koga  
"And me!" says Sesshomaru  
"And me!"  
"And me!"

**Chapter 3: **Inuyasha and….Naraku?

Inuyasha rushes to whereever Naraku is, of course with no idea that Kagome isn't even there. Or that she's with Koga and Sesshomaru getting…back massages? Anyway, Inuyasha catches eye of Naraku.

"I Inuyasha have come to safe my love!" announces Inuyasha  
"Really?" asks Naraku  
"No, I meant Kagome" says Inuyasha  
"Oh, right! That's right" says Naraku  
"Yeah, that was only once and we were REALLY drunk" says Inuyasha  
"Actually it wasn't once. :pause: and we weren't drunk" says Naraku  
"Yeah….." says Inuyasha

:cricket:cricket:

And I guess we'll get back to them…in a few minutes. But hey what the hell happened to Miroku and Sango? Let's find out!

"Hey…..how bout now?" asks Miroku  
"No" says Sango

5 seconds later

"Now?" asks Miroku  
"No" says Sango

5 seconds later

"How about now?" asks Miroku  
"NO!" yells Sango  
"…p-p-please?" asks Miroku with BIG sparkly eyes  
"No"  
"God, WHY ARE WOMEN NEVER IN THE MOOD FOR SEX?"  
"Well maybe if your penis was bigger than my pinky, it'd be more pleasurable to me. But it's not……"

Miroku's jaw drops to the ground, some random guy picks it up and then kills himself. Miroku gets up, distressed, and walks off into the woods. Meanwhile, Koga slaps more lotion on Sesshomaru's back. They seem to be having a grand-ol-time by themselves, but nevertheless Kagome joins in too, getting a back massage from Sesshomaru.

"This is sooo sweet!" says Koga  
"Ve must not stop" says Sesshomaru  
"Inuyasha…"  
"SHUT UP!" yells Sesshomaru

Koga slaps more on Sesshomaru

"OOOOOOOH!" shouts Sesshomaru

Back to wherever Naraku is, Inuyasha rips off his shirt and slams Naraku against a wall.

"I want you Inuyasha" shouts Naraku  
"That's right" says Inuyasha  
"So if the dead are dead but somehow not dead are they dead or just not….not dead?" asks Kikyo to herself  
"Kikyo you bitch! What are you doing here?" yells Naraku

Kikyo wanders in the room

"Womimby" says Kikyo  
"What?" asks Inuyasha  
"Wominby" says Kikyo  
"You really are an idiot" says Naraku as he takes out an egg-roll and stabs it into Kagora's dead body's eye.

Kikyo walks past the both of them and wanders off

"Mmmmmmblah Shikon Jewel" says Kikyo  
"Well that ruined the mood for sex" says Inuyasha  
"Yes……yes it did" says Naraku

Night falls. And all is well…or so it seems

**Preview for Chapter 4:** Alright guys, sorry about this chapter not being too funny, but I PROMISE chapter 4 makes up for it, because it's the MOST HILARIOUS chapter YET!

"You slept with Kikyo?" yells Koga after swallowing his own vomit  
"Okay, we were really drunk" explains Miroku  
"EWWWWW You NECRO! SHE'S DEAD!" shouts Sango


	4. The Band of Liars!

**Chapter 4: The Band of Liars!**

Miroku runs through the woods, and is sort of annoyed that despite his moves to Sango she still hasn't slept with him. What a surprise. He sprains his groin, or lack there of, from running to much and needs to stop and rest. A voice from the woods is heard.

"Wow look at these dragons following me. No they are called Soul Collectors. Hey that's a cool name!"  
Miroku thinks to himself, "Who would walk in the woods and talk to herself, yet sounds like a man? KIKYO!"

Kikyo walks out of the woods and toward Miroku

"Mmmblah Shikon Jewel" says Kikyo  
"Huh?" asks Miroku  
"I'm so alone, I'm talking to myself" says Kikyo  
"You're really weird"  
"And horny"  
"Ummmmmm……what the hell?" asks Miroku

Kikyo reaches in her pocket and pulls out about 10 bottles of sake. (remember now, Inuyasha is like Mary Poppins, pockets hold a SHIT load of things)

"SAKE!" yells Miroku, clapping his hands  
"Oh no..is Miroku an alcoholic?" asks Kikyo  
"Damn you, how'd you find my weakness?" asks Miroku  
"I dunno…the author of the story told me you dumbass. But I'll let you drink some, if you do something for me"  
"Baby, for some alcohol, I'll do ANYTHING!"  
"Anything….mmmblah Shikon Jewel?"

Back at wherever Naraku is, he and Inuyasha decided that it's time to leave.

"Naraku, I'm going now. I'm going to go back to Kagome" says Inuyasha  
"oooooh I'm coming too!" says Naraku  
"Why?"  
"Because you're my bitch" says Naraku with a HUGE grin  
"No I'm not"  
"You were last night SMUTTZY-POO!"  
"Jesus Christ you've said some dumb things before but Jesus Christ"

And Inuyasha walks out, followed by Naraku, heading toward Kagome. How's he know where Kagome is? CUZ THERE WOULDN'T BE A STORY IF HE DIDN'T KNOW! THAT'S WHY. Not too far away in the woods 2 people are walking. Bankotsu and Suikotsu!

"I really think it's a problem that needs to be fixed" says Suikotsu  
"If it has to do with you killing men and then having your way with them I don't want any part of that" says Bankotsu  
"No, but I think it's a problem!"  
"What is the problem?"  
"Well. The fact that we're the Band of Seven and we only have 2 members now"  
Bankotsu sighs, "You think too much. Besides, if our title was true, then I'd have to play the saxophone"  
"Oh I've always wanted to learn an instrument" says Suikotsu clapping his hands

And they wander some more, to somewhere not too far away from Kagome. Now Sango finally wakes up from a nice night's sleep and begins on her journey to Kagome. And who decides to pop out of the woods? SHIPPO!

"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yells Shippo  
"Shippo!" yells Sango with her arms out  
"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yells Shippo  
"I'm going to get Kagome"  
"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
"Jesus Christ you've said some dumb things before but Jesus Christ"

And Sango walks to Kagome, Shippo following. Sesshomaru, Koga, and Kagome are wandering as well when they come across a familiar scent, MIROKU! They rush toward it, and find something very surprising. Miroku is not only sleeping naked, he's with Kikyo! Sesshomaru's jaw drops to the floor. Koga picks it up. Kagome screams, waking up both Kikyo and Miroku. Suddenly Sango comes running through the woods and stops next to Kagome. Her jaw drops to the floor. Koga picks it up. Kikyo gets up, gets dressed, and leaves.

"Mmmmmblah Shikon Jewel"  
"Wh-wh-wh-what happened?" asks Kagome with her right eye twitching  
"You slept with Kikyo?" yells Koga after swallowing his own vomit  
"Okay, we were really drunk" explains Miroku  
"EWWWWW You NECRO! SHE'S DEAD!" shouts Sango  
"Well at least I don't stick animals in my YOU-KNOW-WHAT!" shouts Miroku  
"That was one time, and I was very drunk" says Sango  
"Miroku, you slept with Kikyo? Sango, you DO THAT?" yells Koga  
"This is fucking gross" says Sesshomaru

So back to Inuyasha and Naraku who are walking in the woods. Suddenly Bankotsu and Suikotsu meet up with them! lightning bolt BUM BUM BUUUM!

"I hate you Bankotsu!" yells Inuyasha  
"Inuyasha….." says Naraku  
"I hate you too Inuyasha!" yells Bankotsu  
"Bankotsu…." Says Suikotsu  
"I mean, you can't even count! Or play instruments" says Inuyasha  
"I TOLD you we should change our name!" yells Suikotsu  
"Hey, FUCK YOU!" yells Bankotsu

He takes his giant ass sword and slices Suikotsu in half.

"Shit head!" says Bankotsu  
"Inuyasha…." Says Naraku  
"Hey, FUCK YOU!" yells Inuyasha

He takes his Tetsaiga and slices Naraku in half

"cacacacaca I am Naraku" says Naraku  
"…….I'm….Bankotsu?"  
"I'm Inuyasha!"  
"And his BITCH!" says Bankotsu  
"Hey, FUCK YOU!" shouts Kikyo as she flies out of the woods and slices Bankotsu in half  
"Where the fuck you come from?" ask Inuyasha  
Kikyo, not paying attention, "blah blah blah I'm talking to myself"

Kikyo wanders off again.

**Preview to Chapter 5: **It's the conclusion to Too Much Inuyasha, guaranteed to make you say "wtf?"

"You're a fucking idiot Kagome!" yells Inuyasha  
"I hate you Inuyasha!" says Kagome  
Inuyasha imitates Kagome-"I hate you Inuyasha!'"  
"Ugh! I'm leaving!" says Kagome  
Inuyasha imitates Kagome "Ugh! I'm leaving!' This is the MILLIONTH time you've done this! Way to be like Naraku!"  
"At least she's not gay!" says Miroku  
"At least I'M not a NECRO!" yells Inuyasha


	5. Blah Blah Blah Shikon Jewel!

**Chapter 5: blah blah blah Shikon Jewel**

Inuyasha wanders in the woods and comes across Kagome, Miroku, Sango, and Shippo. Oh right….Koga and Sesshomaru are there too.

"hey….im back" says Inuyasha  
"Done getting it in the BUTT BY NARAKU?" laughs Miroku  
"Inuyasha…." Says Kagome  
"Shut up Miroku!" yells Inuyasha  
"Where's Kirara?" asks Shippo  
"In the woods taking a shit. That's what AIDS does to you." Says Miroku  
"Yeah…..speaking of that…..I'm HIV positive" says Sango

--silence--

"AAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughs Miroku  
"That's not funny Miroku!" says Kagome  
"YES it is. It makes TOTAL sense now how Kirara got it. All those times Sango's been sticking her in her YOU-KNOW-WHAT!" says Miroku  
"Sango…you do that?" asks Inuyasha  
"Yes we know. It's disgusting." Says Sesshomaru  
"Wait…..what's Sango's YOU-KNOW-WHAT?" asks Kagome  
"You're a fucking idiot Kagome!" yells Inuyasha  
"I hate you Inuyasha!" says Kagome  
Inuyasha imitates Kagome-"I hate you Inuyasha!'"  
"Ugh! I'm leaving!" says Kagome  
Inuyasha imitates Kagome "Ugh! I'm leaving!' This is the MILLIONTH time you've done this! Way to be like Naraku!"  
"At least she's not gay!" says Miroku  
"At least I'M not a NECRO!" yells Inuyasha

Sango takes out a gun and shoots herself in the face, blowing it into a tree.

"WHAT the FUCK?" screams Kagome  
"Well that ruined the mood for sex" says Koga  
"yes….yes it did" says Sesshomaru  
"Well at least now Miroku can have his way with her, since she's dead and all!" says Koga

Inuyasha picks up Shippo and eats him.

"WHAT the FUCK?" screams Kagome…again  
"Well that ruined the mood for sex….again" says Koga…again  
"I actually thought that was pretty hot" says Sesshomaru  
"Grrrr you like that do you?" says Koga with a smirk on his face

Koga and Sesshomaru wander in the woods….hmmmm I wonder why?

"I hate this place Inuyasha and I hate you! I'm going home!" yells Kagome  
Miroku imitates Kagome, "Meh meh meh I have sand in my vagina. GO AHEAD AND LEAVE! No one likes you ANYWAY!"  
"OMG!" screams Kagome

Kagome runs toward the well. But trips and falls face first into the side of it, knocking her unconscious. Luckily she falls into the well. Miroku turns to Inuyasha.

"Yes Inuyasha." Says Miroku, "Go after even though you are gay. Go after her even though you've done this nearly EVER EPISODE! And go after her so I can get my freak-on with Sango"  
"You're sick Miroku" says Inuyasha

Inuyasha runs off to the well and hops in. Miroku picks up Sango's head-less body and walks deeper into the woods, whistling to himself.

"I'm gonna get LA-AID tonight!" he sings

Kirara dies from shitting too much. Meanwhile Koga and Sesshomaru are skinny dipping in a nearby pond.

"Who wants to play the game Who's In My Mouth?" asks Koga  
"I vant to!" says Sesshomaru raising his hand

Rin pops out of the woods

"CAN I PLAY A GAME TOO?" she says

Koga takes out his sword and slices her in half.

"No" he says  
"Ooooooooooh!" says Sesshomaru

Kikyo is walking through the woods when she falls of a cliff and dies. Kagome wakes up in her own bed. A soft pillow. A nice blanket. Inuyasha next to her. A soft mattress. Wait….Inuyasha next to her? Kagome jumps up, realizes she's not wearing anything, throws on clothing, and smacks Inuyasha's face. He jumps up, realizes he's not wearing anything, and throws on clothing.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" asks Kagome  
"You fell into the well" says Inuyasha  
"I MEANT IN MY BED!"  
"sleeping…..?"  
"I MEANT NAKED NEXT TO ME!"  
"Oh…that's cause we had sex"  
"Uhhhhh……." Says Kagome with her right eye twitching  
"What?"  
"So you raped me?"  
"You were unconscious….so you didn't really….RESIST it"  
"You still raped me. And YOU'RE GAY!"  
"A MINOR inconvenience."  
"Inuyasha….."  
"Jesus Christ what is it now?"  
"Well…I'm pregnant"

Inuyasha's jaw drops to the floor. Kagome's mom enters the room, picks it up, and walks out. Screams are heard from her getting shot from a stray bullet from someone robbing a nearby store.

"You're what?" asks Inuyasha  
"I think it's Koga's…or Sesshomaru's…..but yeah….I'm pregnant" says Kagome

Inuyasha takes out a knife and stabs her YOU-KNOW-WHAT

"Now you're not". shouts Inuyasha, "WUHAHAHAHAHHA!"

He grows wings and blows through the ceiling. He flies up higher and higher and gets hit by a passing airplane and drops to the ground and dies.

Kagome, "Well that ruined the mood for sex"  
Kagome's younger brother, "Yes….yes it did"

THE END!

Thank you ALL for reviewing and reading this, my FIRST fanfic! Many have asked to continue this series, well if you review alot asking for it, PERHAPS I WILL! There are a few people id like to thank

The Providence Crow-for reading my fanfic!  
inu2kagfan-for reading AND reviewing to all of my chapters!  
Kodocha08-for the EXACT SAME THING!  
inuyashas true self-for the SAME THING! I THANK THEE!  
-neko-yasha-luvs-inu--for really great reviews that helped me keep writing!  
And YOU, yes YOU, the one who's reading this! I thank you I thank you I thank you

I will write another Inuyasha Facfic called "Inuyasha's Not Pregnant cuz he's i guy" which is a MORE FUNNY, MORE CRAZY, MORE FREAAAKING WIERD Inuyasha fanfic! MMMMMMMMMMBLAH BIOTCHES!

-Zeph


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